Really????

So it would seem as though several people have a problem with the living arrangements we have. Several comments have been made as to how difficult for my parents and goodness what a strain on my marriage that must be. How do my parents handle us being here? Yesterday it was said during church that married children living back home with their parents had no business being married if they can't take care of themselves. The other complaint I have is hearing how difficult it must be for Nephi to be married to me. He must have to walk a really fine line. If I'm so difficult I guess those people should be glad that they don't have to put up with how horrible I am on a daily basis. Yuba City was never at the top of my list as one of the most fabulous places to reside, but it has now become number one as worst place ever to live. Its mostly the people I'm not impressed with. Or wait! Is that just me being incredibly difficult to please and live with? Gosh my poor husband and parents! What a nightmare I must be!

Work

Well, I have about a million things to do today and I'm trying to stay motivated. Not the easiest thing for me sometimes. I've got a laundry festival going today along with a general clean. The upstairs could more or less use something a little more intense...like a shovel and possibly a haz mat suit. I'm only procrastinating by writing on this blog instead of getting to work. So I suppose I should be a big girl and stop stalling!!! Bummer!

People

A lot of people together can sometimes create problems. Everyone has an opinion and their own is of course the best. Things get said, misunderstandings and sometimes accusations get thrown around. In the end I suppose it doesn't really matter, we can only be responsible for ourselves. That's all that counts anyway.

Stormy Weather

It's been hot, really hot. Its September and I've been waiting for the crisp cool Fall air to come sweeping in. I love Fall. I love the smell of rain, pumpkins, cinnamon, wood burning stoves, and scented candles filling the air. I love looking out the window as the trees blow and the leaves full of color whip around. Kids bundled up in swaeters as they jump in the piles of leaves their parents just raked up, giggling and playing tag. I love warm cookies on the counter as the kids come home from school. Halloween, Thanksgiving, General Conference... peaceful and full of fond memories from my own childhood. Well, if I can't have that kind of Fall here, at least I have fond memories from long ago. I only wish my kids knew of the Fall I used to experience. Sunny California is great, but I sure miss the seasons.

Blah

So I'm really tired of having illness in June that clearly belongs in January. January weather infringing on June weather is also getting a bit old. Of course I can think of several things off hand that have become old... such as my Italian house dress, a few canned goods (which are no longer considered good), cleaning toilets gets old before I even start. I would really like to go somewhere and have people wait on me, get a tummy tuck and come home to a completely organized and de-junked living space. Really, is that too much to ask?

The Elephant

I'm writing a children's book about a girl named Kelly ans an elephant. Stay tuned for more details!

Education

Well, I'm still angry but at least its forcing me to do a lot of research to figure out exactly what I'm dealing with. I've come across some very helpful information and articles that have given me some insight on how to go about handling things in the future. I'm keeping an open mind and trying to take into consideration the magnitude of emotional hurt inflicted upon me is possibly a result of honest ignorance. I believe I've stumbled onto a diagnosis of passive aggressive behavior, which would explain a lot. I don't think this is clearly understood by the other party that this is the behavior being displayed. But at least I can educate myself in how to better handle the attacks. My hope for change was in fact a wish. But I can have hope in myself to understand how this type of behavior works and change the way I deal with it. Whew, feeling better already!

just a wish after all

I'm really really tired of a lot of things. I've done a little research on a wish vs hope and I think I've come to realize that some of the hopes I had were actually just wishes all along. Major bummer for me. So now I'm kind of going through the grieving part that comes with a realization of something that will never be. I'm kind of mad about it, actually I'm really mad about it. So I'm bitter, and anything that has to do with this particular topic just gets magnified beyond belief. I realize I have to get past this someday and the sooner the better but right now I hurt. So I'm angry and am lashing out about it. I'm mad at stupidity and lack of understanding for my perspective. So I'm just mad for now I guess. Sucks!