Education

Well, I'm still angry but at least its forcing me to do a lot of research to figure out exactly what I'm dealing with. I've come across some very helpful information and articles that have given me some insight on how to go about handling things in the future. I'm keeping an open mind and trying to take into consideration the magnitude of emotional hurt inflicted upon me is possibly a result of honest ignorance. I believe I've stumbled onto a diagnosis of passive aggressive behavior, which would explain a lot. I don't think this is clearly understood by the other party that this is the behavior being displayed. But at least I can educate myself in how to better handle the attacks. My hope for change was in fact a wish. But I can have hope in myself to understand how this type of behavior works and change the way I deal with it. Whew, feeling better already!

just a wish after all

I'm really really tired of a lot of things. I've done a little research on a wish vs hope and I think I've come to realize that some of the hopes I had were actually just wishes all along. Major bummer for me. So now I'm kind of going through the grieving part that comes with a realization of something that will never be. I'm kind of mad about it, actually I'm really mad about it. So I'm bitter, and anything that has to do with this particular topic just gets magnified beyond belief. I realize I have to get past this someday and the sooner the better but right now I hurt. So I'm angry and am lashing out about it. I'm mad at stupidity and lack of understanding for my perspective. So I'm just mad for now I guess. Sucks!